Renewal

I think that I have been living life in a fog for a while. One of those fogs where you just spin your wheels as fast as they can go for days and days on end and still can't find the clearing. Only I think that I've been spinning for months and in the last 2 weeks it has all crashed down on me. Sadness, grief, stress, longing, worry... they've all had me in their grip. And the grip was hard. And it wouldn't let go. It held on to me so tight sometimes I felt like I just couldn't breath because I was surrounded. It sucked the joy right out of me. I am not a person who battles with depression or anything. But I am prone to letting "life" build up to the point where it breaks me.

And boy have I been broken. Dealing with a death. Having a child so far away. The need in the world is go great, it physically hurts me, sometimes. It sits on me like a boulder. This waiting game we've been playing in almost every aspect of our lives had just taken over and exhausted me.

So I spun my wheels trying to break free. I thought if I could only spin fast enough, I could somehow just work through it. But I couldn't outrun it. I couldn't busy my mind to the point where I could get all the monkeys off my back. All the busyness just served to exhaust me more and I fell deeper in. It's been a vicious cycle. Today my heart screamed out for rest. So that's what I did. I took Noah to school and spent a few hours alone for the first time in almost a month. I had been looking forward to this little mini-retreat for days. I had it all planned. I was going to do all the Christmas gift returning. So I loaded up the car with all the returns. But then at the last minute, I decided to grab a CD to listen to in the car. Sometimes when I just need to mellow out, music really helps me. I popped in the CD and before I got to the end of the street, I was crying uncontrollably. With my grandfather's death, I've done a lot of crying lately. But this crying was completely different. This was the kind of crying that pours out in search of renewal. I stopped at the stop sign and just sat there for a few minutes to compose myself.

I think that sometimes when our hearts and minds are heavy and need to rest, that that is the time you need to let everything else take a break and let your soul do the running. My soul has been depleted lately. I've tried. I've done a lot of praying. I've done a lot of bargaining with God. I've gotten mad at him a few times. I searched for him, but couldn't focus long enough to find him. But I haven't just flat out cried out to him in a long time. So that's what I did. I sat there at that stop sign and just cried out. Then, I did what my soul has been craving for so long- I stopped. I sat still. I sat there with God and listened and felt and just finally shut up long enough to feel the things he's been wanting me to feel.

And it was great. To get back in control, I finally just had to be still long enough to surrender it all. I had to let go of the control and just admit that I can't do it all. Faith is a tricky thing like that. I was teaching my Sunday School class a couple of weeks ago about the kind of faith we're called to have. I was thinking about the Christmas story from Luke, when it gets to the part at the end of the story that says, "And Mary pondered all of these things in her heart." I tried desperately to put myself in Mary's position and just couldn't do it. She was only a human, yet she gave birth to a son who would rule the Earth, that she would ultimately have to give up to save a fallen world. As a mom- I think the enormity of it all hit me. How much faith does it take to say, "Okay God- I love this little baby you gave me, and here he is. I'll give him back to you so he can die." I know that if I had been in Mary's position I could never do what she did. If God came to me, and said he needed Sadie, or Noah, or Miles- I couldn't do it. No way. I can't wrap my head around it, much less my heart. But really- that's the kind of faith that we are called to live. The kind of blind faith that says, "Lord, I don't see the big picture here, but I trust you with it." I know that I don't always have that kind of faith and sometimes it makes me mad that I don't. Sometimes I am there, but it always seems fleeting. Then life gets in the way and I lose sight of it. But I guess the whole point of it all is to never stop striving.

And sometimes striving means standing still and resting in the fact that sometimes God will say, "Take a break. Rest. I've got this. Just breathe." So today I'm going to just breathe. Because some days all you can do is breathe in and out and rest in Him. And wait for renewal. And, oh my gosh, the renewal is magnificent!

True Love

Megan 101

I noticed today that my last post was my 100th post. That calls for a celebration! Aside from my husband, I have never stuck with anything this long. However, if I don't blog for a couple of days, my phone rings off the hook with relatives calling to see if I am incapacitated. So- after 100 posts (this makes number 101), over ten thousand blog hits and readers in 7 countries (how cool is that!)I have come to realize that I blog about my kids, adoption, world issues, random idiocies, lather- rinse-repeat without ever really blogging about myself. I am pretty sure I do that on purpose, because- well, it's hard to write about yourself. So today I am stepping out of my comfort zone and blogging 101 things about myself in honor of blog post 101. Settle in folks- it's gonna be a long one. And to be quite honest, I am pretty boring. So no guarantees on this one. Welcome to Megan 101- here goes:

1. I'm 28, but sometimes I feel like I live the life of a 45 year old.
2. When I was a kid I wanted to be a marine biologist- little did I know I would be terrified of getting in the ocean as an adult.
3. My favorite job I've ever had was when I worked in a bookstore in college. Actually- that's the only job I've ever had that I actually liked.
4. I can not speak in public without crying or making everyone around me cry.
5. I have tried every single diet known to man. And they all work- but only for 6 weeks.
6. I graduated from college in only 3 1/2 years. (I figured I could "beat the man" by taking 21 credit hours at a time since they only charge you for 15 hours)
7. I was a competitive swimmer for 9 years and while I love the discipline it taught me, I would NEVER ever do it again.
8. I hate to compete. I will gladly let you win at anything because winning doesn't matter to me a bit.
9. Some of my favorite books are Gone With The Wind, Jane Eyre, The Poisonwood Bible, A Million Little Pieces and Beach Music.
10. I got a varsity letter in college for being on the rowing team. Boats, that is. And it was really fun!
11. I met my husband in a bar.
12. When I had Sadie I did it all natural. I lost my insurance when I was 4 months preggers and the hospital wanted to charge me $1000 cash to have an epidural. All through labor I was ticking off the hours like dollar bills. Every hour that went by I patted myself on the back for saving a hundred bucks.
13. The second time I had a baby, I had insurance. And there was no way in hell I wasn't going to get an epidural!
14. My mom, my daughter and I all have a mole on our butt on the exact same place. (Sorry for sharing that mom. When you have to come up with 101 things, you have to stretch!)
15. I started coloring my hair when I was 15 and it took me until I was 27 to figure out how to get my hair back to my natural color.
16. I am a sucker for novelty rap. The raunchier the better.
17. I was an English major for 2 years in college until I realized that I probably couldn't make a career out of reading good books. Then I became a broadcast journalism major for a short while, but the thought of having to be on camera made me want to throw up. So I finally ended up with a communications/marketing degree, but I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.
18. My favorite passage in the Bible is Psalms 139.
19. I teach Sunday School for teenagers. I love teenagers. I am like a magnet for the really screwed up ones. The more dark and twisty they are- the more I love them.
20. I talk a lot (shocker!) but I don't really like talking on the phone- despite the fact that I talk to my mom at least 3 times a day and check in with my dad at least once.
21. I am obsessed with checking my email.
22. I love to write thank you notes. Actually- I should make that broader and just say that I like to write.
23. My favorite of all the household chores is washing the dishes. There is just something about having my hands in warm water that makes me feel calm.
24. I hate to cook but love to bake.
25. I am really bad at telling jokes. I always screw up the punchline.
26. I have a terrible addiction to diet Pepsi. There are days when I drink up to 5. *gasp*
27. I used to lie about what I made on my ACT because all of my friends did better than me and all of my cousins are freaking geniuses who made near perfect scores. I totally rocked the English portion, but since I can barely add, my math score might well have set a record for the lowest math ACT score in history. Which brings me to...
28. I barely passed college algebra. I only passed by one point. That could also be because I think math is so stupid that I only went to class maybe 3 times the whole semester.
29. As a baby, I had Kawasaki's disease which was recently in the media with the death of John Travolta's son.
30. I totally wear Spanx under my jeans.
31. I prefer to write in pencil or in blue ink. Never on a notebook with spiral edges. And I always print. I can not stand to write in cursive.
32. I am hyper organized and when I get stressed out or pissed off with my husband, I clean. Then I complain about how no one helps me clean. I know that it is totally passive-aggressive but I do it anyway.
33. I cry every time I hear the national anthem. When my brother was serving in Iraq I bawled like a baby every time I heard it.
34. Since I became a mom- I will also expand the list of song that make me cry to include The Little Drummer Boy. Kamron makes fun of me about this, but for Pete's sakes, that little boy just wanted to play his best for Jesus.
35. I like problem solving. There is just something satisfying about making a plan to get from point A to point B.
36. I think that after Miles gets home, I'd also like to eventually adopt a little girl from the DRC. Or maybe Haiti. Maybe in late 2011? Since Kamron rarely reads this blog, I don't have to worry about this information giving him a panic attack.
37. I am a mini-van mom. I fought this tooth and nail, but now that I've got all that space I could never go back. Plus my car has butt warmers and that makes me really happy.
38. It is not Christmas for me until I hear "Oh Holy Night" sung at the Christmas Eve Church Service.
39. Some jobs that I have had include: magazine writer, ad sales, retail, server, welfare to work trainer, office manager. And that was in a span of about 2 years. See- I told you I can't stick with anything.
40. I get a lot of big ideas but get stuck on the follow through.
41. I think if my extended family would all pack up and go with me, I'd go and be a missionary.
42. When my parents got divorced, I moved 9 times in 2 years. I think I finally at one point just stopped unpacking.
43. I am really close to my family. I mean really close. Like as in- we are all up in each other's business way too much. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
44. In the 8th grade I wore sandals every single day for a year (even in the snow) to win a $25 dollar bet.
45. I think that bras and pantyhose were created by Satan himself.
46. Some of my favorite TV shows are Grey's Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother, Glee, The Office and reruns of Friends.
47. As much as I hate to admit it, I have my DVR set to record "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" because for some reason those skanky Kardashian girls are captivating.
48. In 2007 I ran a mini marathon. It is one of my proudest accomplishments. I started training after Noah was born because I had to do something to get away from him and his year long screaming tirade.
49. I try not to get too political, but I tend to lean toward the right.
50. BUT- I think that all people should have equal rights and I extend this toward gay marriage. I may be opening a whole can of worms here, but I just think that everyone should be able to get married if they want to.
51. I go to a church where the only black person is our dear friend that keeps the nursery. This makes me angry at our lack of diversity every time I think about it.
52. I love my small town. I tried big city living for a couple of years when we got married and it just stressed me all the way out.
53. I never cuss in front of my kids, but when I get really mad and let one rip, I always crack up a little bit that I said those things. Somehow though, when we're in St. Louis visiting family and I talk to my sister-in-law about my mother-in-law's crazy irrationalities, I can let lots of 'em fly. Imagine that.
54. Blogging is my number one addiction. I could read other people's blogs til the cows come home. And some of the bloggers I've "met" are some of my dearest friends.
55. One of my favorite parts about blogging is that every few weeks I get a private email from someone who is thinking about adopting asking for advice on adoption stuff. I am no expert, but boy, do I love talking to prospective families about adopting.
56. Twice I have gotten addicted to Afrin. I swear that stuff is like crack for me. It would maybe be more accurate to say that I am addicted to breathing clearly.
57. I am completely OCD about washing my hands. If I touch anything, I have to wash my hands.
58. My parents thought about naming me Jillian instead of Megan when I was born. Even though about 73% of the baby girls born circa 1980 share my name, I still think they made the right choice.
59. I am not really big on other people's kids. I know that this is about the biggest anomaly with the whole heart for orphans thing, but other people's kids are always bad when I'm around them.
60. Pizza is my favorite food in the wide world and I could eat it for every meal and never get tired of it. My favorite pizza topping is pineapple.
61. The healthiest I have ever felt in my life is when I went vegetarian for 9 months. Then I wanted a slice of Thanksgiving turkey and it was all over from there. But I do think that one of these days I'll go back to being a veggie chick.
62. I hate bad grammar and spelling mistakes, but I do it all the time on here. My old English teachers would beat me senseless for the sheer number of times I blog a sentence starting with "and".
63. I recycle. We have all of our family recycling with us. They give us all of their cans and a few times a year Kamron takes them to the recycling center and puts all of the "can money" in the kid's college accounts. This is where the afore mentioned diet Pepsi addiction pays off.
64. I most look up to my Mamaw Daisy and my Granny Sadie.
65. I will only let my kids drink organic milk and eat organic meat because animal hormones and preservatives freak me out. Somehow though, I have no problem letting them eat cheetos (nothing that orange can be natural!) and all other varieties of junk food. Oh the irony.
66. For years, I have wanted to ride in a kangaroo pouch across the outback. I totally know that this isn't possible, but it would be sooooo fun!
67. Both of my grandmothers have had breast cancer and I am terrified of getting it. I am hyper vigilant and would just chop these suckers off if I could figure out a way to do it.
68. If I could have a celebrity rendezvous with 5 celebrities, I would choose Tommy Lee, Sting, Bear Grylls (from Man-vs-wild) Dave Matthews and Bono. Evidently I like rockers and men who eat elephant poop.
69. My favorite colors are pink and yellow.
70. I am fascinated by the summer Olympics. My life just stops for 2 weeks while I watch those athletes achieve their dreams.
71. I read at least one book a week. Sometimes 2... or 3. I can read at the speed of lightning.
72. I broke my elbow in the 3rd grade and it got me out of filling in all those stupid bubbles on the end of the year standardized tests.
73. I love looking at old black and white photographs.
74. I want to buy everything I see an infomercial for. This is why I do not let myself watch infomercials.
75. I don't like ice cream.
76. I love the beach and once my children are grown I want to have a big vacation home on the beach and have the grandchildren come and spend weeks at a time with me there.
77. I love my husband but on Monday mornings it is time for him to go back to work.
78. I have been lucky enough to have fallen in love a few times in my life, but I am so glad that I chose the one I did to spend the rest of my life with.
79. I love the smell of new babies, new cars, old books, clean laundry and soap.
80. I was the prom queen. There. I said it.
81. I graduated from high school and college with honors.
82. I was the vice president of my elementary school. It was just a fancy title for "person who makes the morning announcements over the loud speaker".
83. I think that maybe when my kids are in school all day that I'll go back to college and get my MS in social work. Not sure what I'll do with that, but that seems to be the next step for a lot of ideas I have swimming in my head.
84. One summer I had an apartment all by myself. It backed up to a graveyard. I had to fall asleep every single night with the TV on because I was too scared to turn it off.
85. As a kid I had a recurring dream that I lived in a house that was crooked. In the dream I would fall out of my tilted bed, roll right out the door into a creek full of mean hippos.
86. I am not really an animal person. I think it's because I'm so OCD about hand washing. If I am around animals I always feel like I can't touch them because then I'll need to wash my hands. Evidently this compulsion is so bad that I feel I need to also wash my hands after picking up Sadie's Zhu Zhu pet.
87. In writing this, I've discovered that I probably need a therapist.
88. Maybe I should be a therapist. See what I mean- lots of ideas, no follow through.
89. When I was pregnant with Noah I threw up at least 3 times a day every day for nine months.
90. I got married when I was just 21. I wanted to wait until I was 21 to get married so that I could drink champagne at my wedding. That seems like really stupid logic now.
91. I met Kamron when I was 18. He was in a band and wore leather pants and played music in bars every weekend. Since I was underage, He would make me sneak in the clubs by loading me down with gear to the point where you couldn't even see my face. I think maybe he just liked the cheap labor. Yep- I was totally a groupie.
92. I drive out of town to go to Wal-Mart so that I can wear my sweatpants without running into anyone I know.
93. I like to sit in the bathtub until my fingers get pruney.
94. I am a sympathy crier and puker. If I see you cry or puke I will follow suit.
95. I love 80's power ballads.
96. I pierced my belly button when I was 16. At the time I did not have the foresight to think about how gross that would look after being stretched out on a pregnant belly. Big mistake.
97. I only like cold weather if it is accompanied by snow.
98. I am Sadie's homeroom mother, which basically means that I spend a lot of time cutting out things that have been laminated.
99. I am the rare woman who doesn't like jewelry. Most of the time I don't even wear my wedding ring because it feels weird on my finger.
100. I am desperate to leave a mark on the world in some way. I just haven't figured out the best way to do that.
101. I love the feeling that comes with the completion of a task!!!!

And now that I've spilled it all- do you still want to be friends?

It is well with my soul

We laid my Grandaddy Willard to rest yesterday. I know that most of you all who read this don't know him personally. You have really missed out. There are lots of good men out there in the world, but Grandaddy was a great man. He was the kind of man that made you want to up your game when you were around him. He lived out his faith, not just talked about it.


From his later years, he ruled the roost from his big, oversized recliner next to the woodstove. I'm afraid of what I might find if I looked in the crack where the seat meets the armrest on that recliner. For years, we've been in on a conspiracy with Grandaddy. My Granny is a health nut. If it has fat in it, or salt or butter, or any of those other things that make food taste so good, then it didn't come in her house. But Grandaddy had a sweet tooth like nobody I'd ever seen. The whole family would sneak him candy and goodies any time we could and more than once, I'd see him shove the candy down the crack of his chair to keep Granny from finding it. If anybody ever went to the beach, you better believe that Grandaddy would need a box of salt water taffy. And on holidays, you better believe that we kept Grandaddy stocked in chocolate covered cherries. And he'd just chew and chew on candy and when Granny would walk in the room, he'd sit there, cheeks puffed out on both sides, full of sugar, with the most guilty smile on his face. My Granny always called my Grandaddy "Lover". When I was little it would embarrass me to death, but I love that that is what she called him. She'd walk in the room and see those full cheeks and that big grin on his face and she'd say, "Lover! What've you got over there?" And he'd say, "What?" all innocent, like he had no idea what she was talking about. Then he'd give a little chuckle and be satisfied with himself that he'd pulled one over on old Granny.

Grandaddy was a quiet and softspoken man. Maybe that's because my Granny is a chatterbox. They were a great compliment to one another. Married 54 years. Blows my mind. There are few things that Grandaddy needed in life to be happy: his Bible (which he read everyday), good books, a well stocked pond and a fishing pole, sports (especially University of KY) on TV and his family. And his family loved him. And respected him. And treasured him. And will forever.

I am so sad that Grandaddy will never get to meet Miles. My brother and I are sad that our sons won't be able to know and remember him and know him for the wonderful man that he was. I do know now, though, that Miles has an angel looking over him, keeping him safe until we can bring him home.

While it is so hard to let go, it is comforting knowing that my Grandaddy Willard has a new body that does what he wants it to do. That he no longer has any pain. I bet that he's probably made some great plays in some heavenly football games and has probably taken Jesus on a few fishing trips already. He may even be able to show the master fisherman a thing or two. Because if there is anything that I've learned from my Grandaddy, it's that there is no problem so big that can't be cured with a little prayer and some quiet time at the pond.

Love you, Grandaddy! You will be so missed.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Holiday Wrap-up

I've been a really bad blogger lately! It is not for lack of words. I think that it is lack of time. That and the fact that I am pretty sure I have vertigo, so I am insanely dizzy which makes the computer screen slant to the right. It looks to me like the typed letters are going to just run right off the page. Uggghh!

Anyway- Christmas in this house was fabulous. The kids were so excited Christmas Eve, I'm surprised they slept at all. Sadie made Santa a little pile of goodies. I am ashamed to say that Santa's cookies were store bought, because- well, life happens. Sadie also wrapped up a book for Santa to read while he was here. And she set out his milk at around 6pm so it was pretty much spoiled by the time they went to sleep. Luckily Santa has the option of pouring his hot milk down the sink instead of chugging it.

Then it was Christmas morning. My dad always shows up before the rooster crows (we don't really have a rooster, I'm just sayin') so that he can be here to see the kids run down the steps on Christmas morning. It is one of my favorite traditions. We open gifts and then have a huge Christmas breakfast with homemade cinnamon rolls, hashbrowns and breakfast cassarole. Noah got a very tiny bike this year. Sadie's big gift was a Leapster. When she opened it, she wasn't too excited, but since she figured it out, she has spent many an hour looking like this:

I have to say, though, that my very favorite gift given this year was one that Sadie gave to her dad. The week before school let out, the PTO had a holiday shop where the kids could bring money and buy gifts for their parents or siblings or whoever. I was working at the shop when Sadie's class came in. I asked her what she wanted to choose for daddy and she immediately gravitated to the most hideous thing available- a pair of orange camo work gloves. She was in utter amazement that she had found the perfect gift. She couldn't stop talking about how much daddy needed those gloves and how much he would just love them and how he just had to have them. I have to admit, they were so ugly that I felt like I had to tell Kamron about them to prepare him. It is the kind of ugliness that just takes your breath away. But once he was in on the surprise he played it up for weeks. He'd say things like, "My hands sure are cold, I wish I had some nice warm gloves." Sadie would just smile. By the time Christmas morning rolled around she could hardly wait another minute to give Kamron his gift. She ran down the steps and before she could even look at the things that Santa left, she grabbed up the box that she wrapped herself and gave it to her daddy. I love this picture because you can see just how excited she is about giving her "perfect" present!

And here's the happy reciever. See- I told you it was the kind of gift you need to prepare someone for!


Then it was off to my Granny Sadie's house for lunch. She is married to my grandfather who had the stroke last week and is still in the hospital. We convinced her to take a short break from the hospital so that we could celebrate as a family. We decided that grandaddy would have wanted us to all still get together, so we did. And even though it was strange, with Grandaddy's empty chair at the end of the table, it was still wonderful to all be together. My Granny's house is the one place I can go that feels like home to me. With divorced parents, I don't have my childhood home to go "home" to. So for me, it isn't a holiday without going "home" to Granny's. There are so many happy memories for me there. And even though this year was emotionally very hard, there are still happy memories to take away. Like Noah running all over the house with his cousin Julia and her new umbrella.

Or watching my Granny open her new footed jammies.

Then Christmas night, it was time for Kamron's family to come over and celebrate! (I'm getting tired just recapping it!) Unfortunately, by this time, the afore mentioned vertigo had kicked in and I needed the aid of a wall to hold me up. It was like I'd had about 3 margaritas. {You know- the point where you think, I've had one too many, but 1 short of full out sickness? Not fun. AND not that I've ever done that before- I am merely guessing :-) } So the inlaws came and I was a terrible, dizzy hostess. But it was still fun. The kids were terribly spoiled by their aunt Kennethia, and they always love getting to spend time with their Papaw Gary and Granny Liz. (Here's Noah and Granny Liz)


One of my favorite parts of Christmas is right after we put the kids to bed. Kamron and I always sit on the couch and stare at the Christmas tree and talk about the day and share our best memories of the kids. Sometimes we rehash Christmases past, so that we can keep those memories alive. I always look forward to this part of the day. Actually, it is probably one of my favorite things that Kamron and I do together all year. I love that boy.

Christmas was so magical. The only thing that could have made it any better was if Miles was here to celebrate it with his family.

On Saturday morning there was lots of playing with new toys. Then it was off to GranMary's for the last of the Christmas gluttony. This was her first Christmas with her new husband, so this was the first time we got the whole "new" family together for a holiday. It was great. We adore them all so much and it is nice to make new traditions as well as share some of our traditions with new people. Here's the whole crew. I love being a part of a big family. Over the course of the next 6 months, we'll be adding 3 more little boys to this family. Next year should be LOTS of fun!


And now that I am utterly exhausted from the recap, I think I'll stop typing go play another round of Guess Who with Sadie and run cars around the race track with Noah. Yay for new things to play with! Hope your holiday was merry and bright!



P.S. If you do nothing else today, stop by my friend Carrie's blog. She is doing the coolest fundraisor to raise money for Our Family Adoptions (the organization that is helping us bring Miles home.) This won't cost you a thing, but raises money for kids in the DRC who are desperate for help. All you have to do is click around her blog and the kiddos make money. How cool is that?!?

Merry Christmas!

Rollercoaster

I've been having a hard time trying decide exactly how to blog this week. There is so much going on. My grandfather is still on a ventilator in the ICU. Some days there is more hope than others. This is the first time in my life that I've been this close to losing an immediate family member. So it's been hard. Really hard. Especially at Christmas time. We are a very close knit family- and despite all of our faults and quirks, we are always there for each other- no matter what. The waiting room at the hospital has been one continuous family reunion and it is really great that we can all draw strength and comfort from one another. I'm not sure what the future holds for my grandfather- I'm not even sure how to pray for the situation anymore. And that has clouded all the holiday festivities this year. Our days of doing our Christmas Kindness projects were derailed somewhere around day 8. But that's okay. Right now there are more important lessons to teach my children. They need to see that despite the busyness of the holidays, you stop your whole life when your family needs you. That no matter what else is going on or no matter what other plans you think you have, that you will drop everything and come running to rally around your family. The lesson they've seen in action this week is that your family is the first priority.

So today I am just trying to take a breath and take it all in. Exhaustion set in a few days ago, but life goes on. I am trying to make sure that Christmas is still magical for the kids. They are like night and day about Christmas. Last night while we were saying our prayers, Sadie wanted to pray about Jesus' birthday. And thank you for baby Jesus and so on. I swear- that girl just radiates goodness. I keep waiting for rainbows and fairy dust to come out of her butt. Noah on the other hand just wanted to pray about Santa and the presents and dear Jesus please make sure I get lots of presents. Noah's biggest fear for the past few days is that he would end up on the naughty list. He has not made a move in days where he didn't first ask, "Mom, if I throw this toy will I end up on the naughty list?" I have pretty much controlled him like a puppet master with this fear of the naughty list. Do I feel guilty about manipulating my child like that? Nope- not a bit. I have totally become that mother I swore I'd never be!

And on the adoption front, we have a little news. The consulate in Kinshasa (the capital city in DRC) has logged our paperwork, but has yet to give us an appointment. That is the next step. The consulate will give us a date that we can meet him and he will essentially say- "Yep- you're done. Take this kid out of here." We are hopeful that this date will be the end of January. Which means that hopefully we will only have to wait about another month to meet our baby boy. And we now know Miles' birthday. Are you ready for this? His birthday is the 4th of July. He's our little independence baby. That means that legally he is only 5 months old. We know that he is a little older than this, but this is the date that his government arbitrarily set, so that is the day that we will celebrate. Plus- that date has special signifigance for us. We made our public announcement of our adoption on the 2nd of July. But we signed our first papers to get this all rolling on the 4th of July. I just know that this was destined to be our child from the very beginning. Noah's birthday is on Halloween. So now we have a goblin child and a freedom child. I love it.

Since I've been in crisis mode for days and haven't had time to share it, here's a little recap of a funny incident that happened in our house last week. This one makes me look bad, but dear readers- I love y'all so much I'm willing to put my ugliness out there for your enjoyment. Last week I had a pimple of epic proportions. It was right smack in the middle of my forehead. I can not convey to you just how enormous this thing really was. The kids and I were sitting on the floor reading a book when their curiousity over the protrusion on my forehead took over. Noah kept touching it and saying, "Mom! What is this thing?!" I told the kids it was a zit. I guess Sadie had never heard that word because she kept saying, "No, what is it really?" I told her again that it was a zit. Noah thought about this for a while and then said, "No- it's not a zit. I'm pretty sure it's a clock." It was about the size of a clock. No joke. So they collectively decided that I had, indeed, had a clock implanted on my face. Sadie said, "Mom- that clock is pretty bad. You probably better go to the doctor about getting it taken off." Maybe they'll get me some Proactive for Christmas! Merry Christmas, all!

To Everything There Is A Season

There are no words to express what is in my heart right now. On Saturday night my grandaddy, Willard, suffered a stroke. He is now on a ventilator in the neuro-intensive care unit. He is an amazing and strong man now trapped in a body which is failing him. I could go on for days and days and pages upon pages extolling his virtues and conveying how dearly loved he is by his family. But somehow right now this space seems best used to ask for your prayers. Most specifically pray that God's will be done in this situation. His wife and daughters have many tough decisions to make in the coming days and I covet your prayers for their strength and for peaceful hearts for our entire family. Thanks so much- I love you all.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
~ Ecclesiastes 3: 1-4